Elephants
by Paladins
Summary: Wu is attacking the Barbarians, and are hardly having an easy battle. What with the tigers and elephants. Gan Ning, however, plans to get something good out of this.


Gan Ning watched as the giant grey _things_ trampled over the battlefield, the ground shaking beneath his boots. One raised its long nose to the air, giving a shrill, yet at the same time baritone roar, rising up to his back legs and dropping down on even more soldiers. His hazel eyes open wide, his arms limp at his side, and he just stared. "They are huge!" he said.

"Really? Hadn't realized," Ling Tong said at his side, swallowing his own fear as the ground continued to shake. A tiger gave a roar somewhere else on the battlefield, louder than the girlish screams of the soldiers.

Gan Ning gave him a long hard glare. "I judge by awesome. As in, they are huge and thus awesome. You are small and thus not."

"Have I mentioned that I still find you detestable?"

"Hey guys!" Sun Shang Xiang said, leaning on her knees in front of them, her soldiers entering the fray. "What the hell are you doing? We're fighting here!"

"Right, hadn't noticed. Sorry about that," Ling Tong said, scratching behind his ear. She glared over at him. All three turned when they hear more piercing screams. Gan Ning was almost surprised they weren't' screaming about Lu Bu, the way the frantically scurried like ants.

"What the hell?" Sun Shang Xiang screamed.

"Never leave men to do a woman's job," they heard, swinging around to see a busty woman atop a decorated, though still highly lethal elephant scream. "Now, fiends of Wu, fall to our armored troops!"

"A surprise attack," Sun Shang Xiang screeched, jade eyes wide with disbelief.

"I hate surprises," Ling Tong groused, and started towards the battle until he saw Gan Ning looking thoughtfully from Sun Shang Xiang to the field and back again.

"We're all going to die horribly here, probably," Gan Ning said with a frown, and Sun Shang Xiang swung around to yell at him. "Might as well deserve it." Ling Tong watched with wide, slightly jealous eyes as Gan Ning reached out and groped Sun Shang Xiang's rather massive boobs. Sun Shang Xiang gave a screech, arm swinging in a trained arch for Gan Ning's face. He dodged easily, a usual participant in brawls. Stepping behind her, he gave her ass a slap before heading out towards the armored barbarians and elephants. Gan Ning had never thought of himself as a wonderful optimist. An amazing warrior and a sex god: yes. But they had elephants.

"What the hell!" Sun Shang Xiang yelled, face horribly red.

"Don't judge a dead man," Gan Ning said with a wave, finally reaching an enemy and slicing open his bare chest. Ling Tong watched his back, and felt a little regretful that he had to give Gan Ning credit. That was what separated men from boys, he thought, glancing at Sun Shang Xiang.

"Don't get any ideas," she said swinging around to him, her jaw clenched. Gan Ning was definitely a walking dead man.

Everybody sat on the hard ground, faces raised to the sky. Drained of any energy, worn to the very bone, all of them smiled. They had pulled through. Wasted as they were, they had won over the barbarians. Their king was currently speaking with Lu Xun, of course the witch Zhu Rong was there as well. Ling Tong himself was lying down, arms behind his head as he stared up at the blue sky, not a cloud in sight.

Sun Quan was off to the side conversing with Zhou Tai. Or more likely, talking to him. Ling Tong really didn't believe Zhou Tai listened. Especially when Sun Quan spoke. But that reminded Ling Tong that he hadn't seen Sun Shang Xiang since the battle had been declared a victory. Ling Tong sat up, pulling a twig out of his hair, and glanced around. She wasn't one to be over looked, that was for sure.

It donned on him then that Gan Ning hadn't been seen yet either. He suddenly felt a little bit more frantic. Not so much because he feared for Gan Ning's health, but more that _he _was supposed to be the one to kill the ex-pirate. Not Sun Shang Xiang. Pushing himself off of the ground, ignoring the throbbing of his legs, or the way they didn't want to hold him up, he searched for her head. "Ling Tong!" she called, and he slowly turned around to her. She was bandaged up, her arm in a sling. It was a wonder that she always made it out so nicely. With her chakrams, and acrobatic style of fighting, it was surprising she didn't pull more tendons or fall on her ass.

"Where's Gan Ning?" he asked, eyeing her for anything unusual. He heard serial killers liked to take souvenirs from their kills. He could imagine her doing the same. Mounting Gan Ning's head, or his bells, on the wall of her room or something.

She giggled. That tomboy actually giggled. Gan Ning had to be dead and six feet under. Fed to the crocodiles or tigers alive. Something irreparable. "I gave him some good punches. Luckily those damned armored troops didn't take my right arm. It's stronger, you know."

"So he's alive?"

"Why? Were you worried about the pirate?" She raised an eyebrow at him, her hand on her hip. He noticed then that her knuckles were bruised and broken. That could have been from the battle. That could have been from their near loss. But he doubted it.

"I just have to make sure he lives until I can kill him," Ling Tong said with a glare. "Though I was sure you were going to kill him."

"He would have deserved it," she mumbled with a glare. That's what he said, Ling Tong thought, craning his neck to look at the sky. That was when the ground started to shake again. Everybody shot up from where they sat, turning their attention to the rumbling ground. Ling Tong glanced back to where he had laid his spear still there. Everybody, weapons in hand, froze when they heard a squeal. It was the only thing to compare the sound too. Like the excited squeal of Xiao Qiao. But not the same. Too different to be her. She shouldn't of even of been there.

Their weapons lowered, and they stared as the decorated elephant came tromping through, giving its own roar to match its rider's squeal. "As good of blackmail as Gan Ning squealing is, I think I'd rather just wash it from my memory," Ling Tong said, eyes wide.

Gan Ning grinned down at all of them, before yelling at the elephant to move the right way. Of course, the grey beast continued straight into some of the tents with another roar. Gan Ning laughed then, patting it on the side. His face was bruised and swollen, his lip broken. His tanned skin glowing under the sun with sweat, some of his cuts still oozing and dripping blood. But he threw his head back and laughed, giving another whoop of joy. He raised his hands over his heads, and Ling Tong almost thought he was going to say, "Look! No hands!" but of course he didn't. But the pirates laughter filled the camp, and for the moment that was enough, as the camp started to laugh as well.

An unfamiliar laughter rang over the rest, and Ling Tong glanced over his should. Meng Hou, the round King was laughing, his belly bouncing some. Ling Tong smiled. The King of the Barbarians, he thought. He was a man that laughed like Gan Ning. He laughed with his entire being, taking all the joy he could from what was handed to him. That sort of thing was what made the camp come alive again, Ling Tong thought.

He slouched then, relaxing with a glare sent towards Gan Ning. "Lousy oaf," he said, scratching at the base of his neck. "He's messing up the camp site." Sun Shang Xiang glanced at him with a grin, looking almost as if she understood.

"Yeah," she said, agreeing, "he's such a nuisance."

_Another oldy. But I like this one. I tossed a coin to see who would be the "dead man" at the beginning of the fic. Gan Ning won out. Poor Ling Tong. But I see him not really having the guts to face Sun Shang Xiang like that. And Ling Tong there at the end thinking about the guys was just that whole "live for the moment" thing going on that I imagine most real hardened warriors, like a pirate, would have. I honestly could see Gan Ning taking joy in the little things. Especially since he probably lived on a boat for a really long time. (I'm on a Boat!) So yeah. I like this one._


End file.
